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Oof, I’ll bet that title just reeled you right on in here, huh? If y’all are longtime followers of my Instagram then you likely know that about two years ago I separated from my now ex-husband and restarted my life as a newly single female, a solo homeowner, doing all the things on my own. I went through a LOT of changes those two years including two moves, a job loss, getting a new job, starting a business, and getting a new boyfriend. There were definitely ups and downs! I cried a lot, prayed a lot, but I laughed a lot too.
The new guy, we’ll call him Jake*, Jake was everything I needed coming out of that marriage. From supportive and understanding to fun and motivating. He made me feel confident like no one ever has. He made me almost instantaneously comfortable around him. It was scary, for both of us I think, how quickly we fell for each other. And how quickly the universe decided it had other plans.
Sometimes, things happen and people come into our lives when we need them the most. Now, I don’t know if Jake particularly needed someone like myself at that time, but I know I needed him. Let’s think of these kinds of people as angels. They are there for guidance and direction. They’re there to pick us up. And then, they’re gone. They move on to another soul who must need them. See, people like Jake are really special people. They’re kind and loving and the world needs more of that. It needs more of them. But to be that those people can only spend a short amount of time with any given person. Such as myself.
Nearly two years after we met, Jake and I are no longer together. And yes, I am 30, single, divorced, childless, but I am coping. I miss him like crazy. The weirdest things are having automatic plans for the weekends lined up and then suddenly those are gone. It’s weird to think of all the things I planned to do and didn’t see doing them without Jake here, in fact, had planned some things specifically with him here. And it’s weird knowing that I’m kind of at point A again. But it’s not all bad, and I guess that’s the coping part.
I loved the time we had together. I learned how to be a better partner and what it felt like to have someone REALLY love you and REALLY see you. I’ve pushed myself into new situations I wouldn’t have if we were still together and put myself out there. I’ve made an effort to really DO more and I think by way of that, improve certain parts of myself.
With every sorrow, every heartbreak, every loss, there’s always something to appreciate and to learn. One day it’ll be easier and one night (hopefully soon) I’ll sleep all the way through the night and stop missing him. And then maybe we can build a friendship. I think it’s much more difficult to accept a relationship that you both wanted to work, won’t work, not because either party DID anything but simply because one wants something the other doesn’t and is on a different direction in his or her life.
Either way, I want you to know, 30, 40, 50, whatever age you are doesn’t matter. You have to do what’s best for you to be your best for someone else. And you have to be honest with yourself about what that looks like. You owe it to them and you owe it to you.
Here’s How to Cope After a Breakup in Your 30s
On to what you (probably) really came here for: How to cope after a breakup in your 30s. It gets harder as we get older. I think it’s because we feel like our window is closing. But it’s not!
Make yourself more well-rounded
Get more involved in things or try new things! Take a class, volunteer, put yourself out there to create a deeper more interesting YOU. Not only does it keep you engaged and really gets you living but it’s also a way to meet new people.
I have a few things in the works and am even looking at a month-long retreat to get-away. Since there isn’t anything (or anyone) keeping me here anymore, I have considered more nomadic ways of life. I own a small local business, but it hasn’t gotten up off the ground yet, so I am taking advantage of that. You are now free to do whatever you want and you only have one life. EXPERIENCE IT.
Relish in the Single Life
Being single is not nearly as bad as folks think. If you are one who gets lonely, then make more friends. If you are one who is a nurturer, volunteer. Being single has the advantages of a cleaner home, less stress, more freedom to come and go as you please, you don’t have to think about this whole other person.
I really enjoyed being a partner. I like having “my person.” But the reality is, people change, and the things they want change. It’s unrealistic to believe one person will be yours for this entire lifetime. Unless you are in your late 40s or 50s, I wouldn’t get too attached to the idea of one person being around for the rest of your days. Instead, focus on the moments with each person and relish in the freedom your singleness provides.
Singledom is actually less expensive
If you lived together, maybe this could be viewed differently. But if you are just dating, you’re spending money on dates and things for the other person and they aren’t helping you pay your rent (LOL). In a way, being single has monetary benefits. You can live a simpler, more minimal lifestyle, cook for yourself at home instead of going out, read in peace instead of going to movies, and in the end, you wind up saving some dough.
I miss him. I miss the plans I made in my head for us. But in the end, why should you sacrifice the things you really want for your future if the other person isn’t on the same page? As I said, you have one life and it’s a short life. You should do and achieve the things you set out to do. For me, I know what that looks like. My sights are set on a quiet life on a small hobby farm somewhere with weekend trips to the beach and dinners made together in our farmhouse kitchen with fresh veggies pulled from our garden. With a man who protects and loves me fiercely and leads our home in the name of Jesus, who provides and supports me in my wild HUGE crazy dreams. A man who knows to just hold me when I’m having a meltdown and take a drive with me when I need to take a moment to breathe.
So hey, when I’m ready, if you’re holding these same dreams and these qualities, feel free to submit your application.
Until then, sending love to whoever needs it from North Carolina ❤️ -Faith